Do you suppose that loneliness has something to teach me?
That sounds kind of like a stupid question. But i found myself asking it today.
Still reeling from the death of my brother.
Grief stamped a memory inside my body that will never go away, and experiencing this new grief has strengthened the bond between grief and me. It will never be far from the surface now that i know it. It's a part of me now.
I am working on the speech i wish i'd been able to give at his memorial, a speech i will never be able to give. I daren't deny the legend that is Saint Jim.
Loneliness may have something to teach you. It may have something to teach us all. A theory that appeals to me in psychological theory is existentialist theory, which states that part of the human experience is struggling to reconcile the fact that we face four inevitables: death, freedom/responsibility, isolation, and meaninglessness. In that context, it makes sense to me. It makes sense that we struggle to understand these things, because they don't make sense. And that must make it our task to accept that these things exist, and that they have no need to cause us pain, but to accept that they do anyway.
ReplyDeleteLoneliness is a default position for me, even when I am well loved. I feel it teaches me to know myself, my darkest corners and stains. Sitting with that pain instead of fighting it can be peaceful. Maybe I'm practicing Buddhism rather than existential theory. Maybe it's a blend. Loneliness continues to teach me new things all the time. Maybe you are one of those lucky ones too.