Is it possible to miss someone and hate them at the same time?
That is what hurts so much. The connection, the relationship. What hurts so much is to know that i am the only one to whom it meant anything.
The common language, the history. I was alone in it all. The humiliation of knowing that kills me.
I wish i were dead. I want to die. I can't live with many superficial relationships. I need one deep one. But i am not qualified to tell what a real relationship is.
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