Twenty Fifth

When she fell.

I feel like that's the name of a book.  But maybe it's the name of my book.  Because i fell a long way; from mediocre, abusive, critical, contemptuous love into depression and loneliness and self-loathing.

The saddest thing is that i miss him.  I miss the common sense of humor, the shared language references, sex.  I am so used to having someone to rely on, okay, i miss having someone that i thought i could rely on, that i relied on having to rely on, so much so that i fooled myself into believing that i could rely on him.  I couldn't.

I can't rely on anyone.  That is how we all live, we just don't know it.