I have missed you for years. I didn't understand why you didn't want to be around me, but i accepted it because i accepted the idea that i am not that great. I am the B list person. It's not true, but i accepted that, because i thought it was.
Now i know that it wasn't about me, i was collateral damage from your need to get as far away as you could from our parents. THAT i understand. But i wish i hadn't been thrown away too.
Oh, the damage that was done.
Wednesday, April 16, 2014
Thursday, April 10, 2014
Forty First
Okay, so, things are weird. My mom is losing it, as in her memory is shot. Jim is fading fast and it’s just so sad. There are lots of events. Jim loves a circus (or what i crudely call a cluster fuck).
Tomorrow all my cousins and my aunt are coming in to see Jim. My mom wanted to take everyone out to lunch, not realizing that Jim couldn’t go, when my SIL pointed this out to her, my mom said “Oh, i could have lunch be take out.” and asked SIL to organize it. Yeah, lunch for 25 or so people. SIL does not have that kind of energy right now. So i took care of it and got everything ordered and told my mom, who was relieved to not have to figure this out. So my daughter and i will be picking up lunch for 25 (or so) at 11:30 and taking it to Jim’s house. God only knows who all will be there.
Jim is….. i don’t even know how to describe it….in a wheelchair with his son helping him to move from the wheelchair to the bed to the couch. Jim can’t even wear shorts any more because his legs and scrotum are so swollen. He is sitting on pee pads because he is leaking. The drugs for pain make him hallucinate.
I am sad. But this is not about me.
Tomorrow all my cousins and my aunt are coming in to see Jim. My mom wanted to take everyone out to lunch, not realizing that Jim couldn’t go, when my SIL pointed this out to her, my mom said “Oh, i could have lunch be take out.” and asked SIL to organize it. Yeah, lunch for 25 or so people. SIL does not have that kind of energy right now. So i took care of it and got everything ordered and told my mom, who was relieved to not have to figure this out. So my daughter and i will be picking up lunch for 25 (or so) at 11:30 and taking it to Jim’s house. God only knows who all will be there.
Jim is….. i don’t even know how to describe it….in a wheelchair with his son helping him to move from the wheelchair to the bed to the couch. Jim can’t even wear shorts any more because his legs and scrotum are so swollen. He is sitting on pee pads because he is leaking. The drugs for pain make him hallucinate.
I am sad. But this is not about me.
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