Okay, so, things are weird. My mom is losing it, as in her memory is shot. Jim is fading fast and it’s just so sad. There are lots of events. Jim loves a circus (or what i crudely call a cluster fuck).
Tomorrow all my cousins and my aunt are coming in to see Jim. My mom wanted to take everyone out to lunch, not realizing that Jim couldn’t go, when my SIL pointed this out to her, my mom said “Oh, i could have lunch be take out.” and asked SIL to organize it. Yeah, lunch for 25 or so people. SIL does not have that kind of energy right now. So i took care of it and got everything ordered and told my mom, who was relieved to not have to figure this out. So my daughter and i will be picking up lunch for 25 (or so) at 11:30 and taking it to Jim’s house. God only knows who all will be there.
Jim is….. i don’t even know how to describe it….in a wheelchair with his son helping him to move from the wheelchair to the bed to the couch. Jim can’t even wear shorts any more because his legs and scrotum are so swollen. He is sitting on pee pads because he is leaking. The drugs for pain make him hallucinate.
I am sad. But this is not about me.
Sending hugs. It's awful watching someone you love die. It hurts and you can't stop the hurting, not for you and not for him. It just has to be borne.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry. I wish I could hug you.
ReplyDeleteThis blog *is* about you. It's how the events in your life impact you. Having feelings and writing about those feelings isn't selfish; in fact it's far kinder than most of the things people choose to do with their feelings. I'm so sorry about the pain this causes all of you, and for how cruel a disease cancer is. I'm thinking of you often and caring about you, yes you.
ReplyDeleteGeez. This is awful.
ReplyDeleteLoss is complex, but losing gives you soooo much time to make reveal yourself. Losing over an extended period of time is too intimate and grossly unfair.
Thank you you guys. I told you that this site was abject misery and drunken ramblings. You were warned. Thank you for your caring, it means a lot to me.
ReplyDelete
ReplyDeleteMany Thanks for the shared this informative and interesting post with me.
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