Eighth

It's becoming clear to me why people who don't want to live go undetected among us.  We are ashamed, and know that no one can really help us.  Nothing you say can help me feel better about my life.

I am ashamed because i have plenty.  Plenty of money, plenty of health, some good friends, intelligence, a child i love and who loves me.  But, for me, nothing can take away the emptiness that is in my heart.  The knowledge that i don't matter very much to anyone.  I matter a little to a lot of people, i matter a bit more to my child, but i don't matter a lot to anyone.

I used to, but that was an illusion.  It turned out that i didn't matter very much to him.  I was living in denial, a thing i hate.

I don't care about the money.  I do care about the health.  I take intelligence for granted, because i have always had it, but i will take the feeling that i am defective, and not worthy of love to my grave.

Nothing anyone can say will change that.