Twelveth

Okay, a little less whining tonight and a bit of an action plan.

I'm going to try and stop drinking every, or even most nights.  The reason for this is that the only time i am happy is when i am drinking.  It takes away the anxiety and sadness.  It also fucks up my sleep.

Interestingly, i am more ashamed of the feelings than i am of the drinking.

This is night 3.  Last night i slept like shit.  Vivid nightmares.  (Note to self, don't go to bed high.)  I dreamed that i was in a house, a really really run down house, with my ex, waiting for him to leave me that day, so he could move in with his new wife, after we shopped for new sheets for a king sized bed.  But i made him leave early, just to get it over.  Then i was alone in the really really run down house, trying to find a way to locate and lock all the doors, so that i was safe.  It was so sad that i woke up.

That was the last i slept.